Including Children at the Birth
How to prepare siblings and decide whether they should attend
Whether to Include Children
Having older children attend the birth can be a meaningful experience for the whole family, but it is not right for every child or every labor. The decision depends on the child's age, temperament, and interest, as well as the expected length and intensity of the labor. A child who is generally calm, curious rather than anxious, and has a separate adult support person dedicated to their needs is more likely to have a positive experience.
Preparing Children in Advance
If you decide to include a child, preparation matters. Take them on a hospital tour if possible. Explain what they might see and hear in simple, honest terms. Read age-appropriate books about birth together. Make sure they understand that you will be focused on your partner during labor and that their support person will be there for them. Let them know they can change their mind at any point and leave the room.
The Role of a Support Person for the Child
Every child attending a birth needs their own dedicated adult whose only job is to care for them. This person can explain what is happening, take the child out of the room if the labor becomes intense or if the child becomes scared, and keep them occupied during long stretches. This is not a role the birth partner can fill. Ideally, the support person is someone the child already knows and trusts.
When to Say No
It is okay to decide that a child should not attend the birth. A child who is very young, easily frightened, or strongly dependent on the birthing parent may struggle with the experience. Some children simply do not want to be there, and that preference should be respected. If the child does not attend, plan for their care well in advance. Arrange for a trusted person to stay with them at home or in the waiting area, and explain what is happening in age-appropriate terms before and after the birth.