Getting Help After Birth
Postpartum doulas, family support, and what to actually ask for
You Are Not Supposed to Do This Alone
In many parts of the world, new parents are surrounded by extended family, neighbors, and community members who share the work of caring for a newborn. In North America, new parents are often isolated, expected to recover from birth while caring for a newborn with minimal help. This is not a failure of character. It is a structural problem. And the solution is to get help.
What a Postpartum Doula Does
A postpartum doula comes to your home in the first days and weeks after birth. They do not provide medical care. Instead, they do whatever needs to be done: light housekeeping, meal preparation, errand running, newborn care teaching, feeding support, and care for older children. Most importantly, they are knowledgeable about newborn care and feeding and can help you both learn and gain confidence. A postpartum doula can also identify problems the new parent or baby may be experiencing and make referrals for help. Hiring a postpartum doula can make it possible for you both to spend time enjoying the baby, to relax, and even get a nap.
How to Find a Postpartum Doula
The Cost and How to Afford It
Postpartum doula costs vary. In the United States, rates range from $25 to $50 per hour depending on location and experience. Some health insurers cover doula services. Health savings accounts can be used. Some doulas offer sliding scale fees. The services of a postpartum doula are also a popular gift for distant grandparents who want to help but cannot travel.
Other Forms of Help
If a postpartum doula is not available or affordable, consider these alternatives: a house cleaner to take over cleaning for the first month, a baby nurse for overnight care, a teenage helper for a few hours after school, a meal delivery service or meal train organized by friends, a laundry service, or a grocery delivery subscription. Any task that can be outsourced should be outsourced in the first weeks.
A Letter to Grandparents
Grandparents and extended family can be an enormous source of help. If they offer to come, here is what they can do: prepare meals, do laundry, shop, keep the house clean. What they should avoid: monopolizing the baby, criticizing the parents' decisions, and giving unsolicited advice. The most important thing a grandparent can give is nurturing support of the parents. If the relationship is strained or difficult, it may be better to send help in other forms, such as paying for a postpartum doula, diaper service, or meal delivery, rather than creating additional stress.
How to Accept Help
When someone says, 'Let me know if you need anything,' give them a specific task. 'Bring dinner Tuesday' or 'Take the baby for 30 minutes so I can shower.' If no one offers, ask. People want to help but do not always know what to do. Tell them. This is not a time for independence. It is a time for survival, and survival requires a team.